How to Energetically Release a Toxic Person, Relationship, or Situation (An 8-Step Ritual)
You've probably tried to logic your way out of it.
You've told yourself to move on. You've journaled about it, talked it through with friends, maybe even convinced yourself you were over it — until something small triggers it and suddenly they're back, living rent-free in your head like they never left.
Here's what many people don't realize: releasing a toxic person, relationship, or situation isn't just a mental process. It's an energetic one.
Every relationship — especially intense or painful ones — creates energetic cords between people. These invisible threads of connection continue to run energy between you long after the relationship has ended, or even while it's still technically active but no longer serving you.
That's part of why you can know intellectually that someone isn't good for you and still feel inexplicably tied to them. That's why you can decide to move on and still feel stuck. Your mind has moved on. Your energy field hasn't caught up yet.
As an intuitive energy healer, I've worked with countless women navigating exactly this — the exhausting weight of carrying someone else's energy in their field long after they were ready to let go. And I've used this exact process myself, after breakups, after friendships ended, after family relationships shifted in ways that left me carrying more than my share.
This process came up repeatedly in client sessions this week, and I was struck to find it echoed almost exactly in Outrageous Openness by Tosha Silver — a book I'm currently reading and cannot recommend enough.
This eight-step ritual works because it addresses the release on every level — emotionally, energetically, physically, and spiritually. It meets you where you are and walks you all the way through to the other side.
Whether this person is no longer in your life or still very much present — a coworker, a family member, someone you can't simply walk away from — this ritual will help you reclaim your energy and your peace.
Before You Begin
Set aside uninterrupted time for this process. Light a candle if you'd like. Treat it as the sacred ritual it is. Move through the steps in order, and know that you may need to return to certain steps more than once — especially the first. There is no rush. Give yourself full permission to feel everything that comes up.
Step 1: Write the Letter You'll Never Send
The first step is to get everything out of your body and onto the page.
Write a letter to this person — one you will never send. Say absolutely everything you've ever wished you could say. Every unexpressed emotion, every unspoken truth, every feeling you swallowed to keep the peace. Write without editing, without restraint. Swear if you need to. Scream on the page. Let it be raw and honest and completely uncensored.
Don't stop until you feel genuinely empty — like there is truly nothing left unsaid.
Why this works: Unexpressed emotion doesn't disappear — it gets stored in the body and energy field as stagnant energy. Writing it out begins the process of moving that energy from inside you onto the page, where it can finally be released. This step alone can bring enormous relief.
You may need to repeat this step several times over several days before you feel truly complete. That's normal. Keep going until you feel done.
Step 2: Burn It, Tear It, Release It
Once the letter feels complete, destroy it. Burn it, tear it into pieces, or whatever symbolic act feels most final and freeing to you.
As you do, set a clear intention: all of the energy held in these words is now being released and transmuted by the universe. Watch it go. Let the act mean something.
Why this works: Symbolic ritual acts as a powerful signal to your subconscious, your energy field, and the Universe that something is truly complete. The physical destruction of the letter mirrors and anchors the energetic release you are calling in.
Step 3: Cut the Cords
This is the energetic heart of the ritual.
A cord cutting visualization guides you to consciously identify and sever the energetic cords connecting you to this person or situation, so that energy is no longer flowing between you. It is one of the most powerful tools in energy healing for reclaiming your own field.
I have a cord cutting meditation on my YouTube channel specifically designed to walk you through this process. I invite you to use it as part of this ritual.
Why this works: Energetic cords keep you in an active energetic relationship with someone even when the physical relationship has ended. Cutting them consciously — with intention and visualization — signals to your energy field that the connection is complete and that you are reclaiming your energy fully.
Step 4: Cleanse Your Energy Field with Salt and Water
Draw an Epsom salt bath or create a sea salt shower scrub. As you use the salt on your body, set the intention that it is actively clearing your energy field — dissolving any residue, any remaining cords, any lingering imprints of this person or situation.
As the water rinses everything away and flows down the drain, visualize everything going with it. Every last thread of their energy leaving your field completely.
When you step out of the bath or shower, feel the difference. You are clean. You are clear. You are yours again.
Why this works: Salt has been used across cultures and traditions for centuries as a powerful energetic cleanser. Water is a conductor and carrier of energy. Together they create a deeply effective physical and energetic cleansing experience that reinforces the release you are calling in.
Step 5: Smoke Cleanse Your Body and Space
Using ethically sourced sage, cedar, frankincense, or any cleansing herb that resonates with you, waft the smoke slowly and intentionally around your entire body. Hold the clear intention that any final energetic attachments are dissolving and that it is releasing you completely.
Move slowly. Breathe deeply. Feel it working.
Why this works: Smoke cleansing has roots in indigenous and spiritual traditions worldwide as a method of clearing stagnant or negative energy from a person or space. The combination of the ritual intention, the energetic properties of the cleansing herbs, and the physical act creates a powerful energetic reset.
Step 6: Clear Their Energy from Your Physical Space
Energy lives in objects. Photos, letters, gifts, mementos — anything that carries the energetic imprint of this person or situation holds an active energetic connection in your home.
Gather these items and remove them. Be intentional in decluttering them and donate, discard, or store them somewhere outside your living space. Your home is your sanctuary — it should hold only the energy you want surrounding you as you step into what's next.
Why this works: Your environment directly affects your energy field. Keeping objects connected to a person or situation you are releasing creates ongoing energetic noise in your space that can slow or block the clearing process.
Step 7: Ask the Universe for Closure
If peace still feels out of reach, ask for it directly. You don't have to manufacture forgiveness or force yourself to feel ready before you are. Simply open your hands — literally or in your mind — and offer this prayer:
I am willing to release this. Please show me the way to forgive, to let go, and to move forward with grace and ease.
Then trust. The universe meets genuine willingness with grace every single time.
Why this works: Willingness is the key that unlocks the door. You don't have to be fully healed to ask for help healing. The act of asking — of surrendering the outcome to something greater than yourself — is itself a powerful energetic shift.
Step 8: Send Blessings — to Them and to Yourself
I know. This is the hard one.
But stay with me.
Sending blessings to someone who hurt you is not about saying what they did was okay. It is not about reconciliation, or minimizing your pain, or pretending the relationship was something it wasn't. It is about you. It is the final act of energetic sovereignty — the moment you choose to stop letting their energy have a claim on yours.
Visualize them moving forward in their life. Visualize yourself moving forward in yours. Wish them peace — not because they deserve it, but because you deserve to be free of the energetic weight of resentment and anger.
This is the step that breaks the last cord. It is the most powerful thing you can do for yourself.
Why this works: Resentment and anger are energetic attachments just as much as love is. As long as you are holding negative energy toward someone, you remain connected to them. Sending genuine blessings — even imperfect, effortful ones — completes the energetic release and restores your field to wholeness.
The Part Most People Miss
This ritual is about so much more than just releasing pain.
When you cleanse old energetic attachments from your field, you are quite literally creating space — for new love, new abundance, new opportunities, new peace, new fulfillment. For whatever your soul has been quietly calling in.
This is manifestation work. Real manifestation work. Because you cannot pour something new into a container that's still full of the old. The releasing is the receiving. The cleansing is the calling in.
So as you move through this ritual, hold both truths at once: you are letting go of what was, and you are opening to what's next. You are not just healing. You are making room for your soul-aligned life to finally, fully arrive.
And if you find yourself wanting support in fully clearing your energetic field, I am here to help. In a Restore: Intuitive Energy Healing Session, we work together to identify and clear the energetic blocks, cords, and imprints that are keeping you stuck — so you can fully release what no longer serves you and open to everything you are ready to call in.
If you feel called to experience this work, I would love to hold that space for you.
👉 Book your Restore: Intuitive Energy Healing Session here